This is the "haha" part of the page!
Confucious sayings:
78. "Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger."
77. "It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park
meat in girl."
76. "Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."
75. "Man who finger girl having period may get caught red handed."
74. "Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."
73. "Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."
72. "Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock."
71. "Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy."
70. "Virgin like balloon . . . one prick, all gone."
69. "Man who meows ate pussy!"
68. "Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."
67. "Those who quote me are fools."
66. "Baseball wrong . . . man with four balls cannot walk!"
65. "Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
64. "Work to become, not to acquire."
63. "Show off always shown up in showdown."
62. "Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock."
61. "Man with no legs bums around."
60. "Man who pull out too fast leave rubber."
59. "Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."
58. "A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."
57. "Find old man in dark, not hard!"
56. "Confucius say too God damn much!"
55. "Man who smoke pot choke on handle."
54. "Ok for shit to happen . . . will decompose."
53. "When in doubt, whip it out."
52. "A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish, but a man with
holes in pockets feels nuts."
51. "Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"
50. "War doesn't determine who's right, war determines who's left."
49. "Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to
end up with splitting headache."
48. "Girl who marry detective must kiss dick."
47. "Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed."
46. "Girl who go to bachelor pad for snack get tit-bit."
45. "Man have more hair on chest than woman - but on the whole woman
have more."
44. "Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy."
43. "Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."
42. "No difference between man and mouse - both end up in pussy."
41. "Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time."
40. "Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."
39. "Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk."
38. "Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs."
37. "Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"
36. "If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."
35. "Man with athletic fingers make Broad Jump!"
34. "House without toilet is uncanny."
33. "Many men smoke but Fu Manchu."
32. "He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double
crosser."
31. "While others are inside sitting down, you will be outstanding."
30. "Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!"
29. "Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
28. "It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
27. "Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed."
26. "Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."
25. "Man who go out with flat chested woman feel shallow."
24. "Man that have sex with hole in ground have piece on earth."
23. "Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."
22. "Man who bounce woman on bed spring this spring have offspring
next spring."
21. "Woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky."
20. "Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money."
19. "Wife for life is better than wife for strife."
18. "Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink."
17. "Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"
16. "Girl with little red bike peddle ass all over town!"
15. "Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!"
14. "Girl who slides down banister nude gets splinters by crackey!"
13. "Rape no good, woman run faster with dress up, than man can with
pants down."
12. "Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand."
11. "Better to sleep with chicken than to choke it."
10. "All blonde not blonde by cracky."
9. "Man who sit on tack get point!"
8. "Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!"
7. "Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"
6. "Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new-key!"
5. "Woman who fly plane upside down have hairy crack up!"
4. "Man who has woman on ground has piece on earth!"
3. "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
2. "Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!"
1. "Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day!"
Jokes:
Genesis:
#In the beginning was the computer. And God said
:Let there be light!
#You have not signed on yet.
:God.
#Enter user password.
:Omniscient.
#Password Incorrect. Try again!
:Omnipotent.
#Password Incorrect. Try again!
:Technocrat.
#And God signed on 12:01 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
:Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again!
:Create light.
#Done.
:Run heaven and earth.
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:02 a.m., Sunday, March 1.
#Approx. funds remaining: .50.
#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Monday, March 2.
:Let there be firmament in the midst of the water and
#Unrecognizable command! Try again!
:Create firmament.
#Done.
:Run firmament.
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Monday, March 2.
#Approx. funds remaining: .60.
#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
:Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let =
the dry land appear and
#Too many characters in string specification! Try again.
:Create dryland.
#Done!
:Run dryland.
#And God created Earth and Seas. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Tuesday, March 3.
#Approx. funds remaining: .00.
#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
:Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night.
#Unspecified type. Try again!
:Create sunmoonstars.
#And God created Sun, Moon, Stars. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Wednesday, March 4.
#Approx. funds remaining: :00.
#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
:Create fish.
#Done.
:Create fowl.
#Done.
:Run fish'nfowl.
#And God created the great seamonsters and every living creature that creepeth
wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after
its kind. 0 errors.
#And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Thursday, March 5.
#Approx. funds remaining: .00.
#And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Friday, March 6.
:Create cattle.
#Done.
:Create creepy things.
#Done.
:Now let us make man in our image.
#Unspecified type! Try again.
:Create man.
#Done.
:Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have
dominion over the fish of the sea and over of the fowl of the air and over
every living thing that creepeth upon the earth.
#Too many command operands! Try again.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 6 errors.
:Insert breath.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 5 errors.
:Move man to Garden of Eden.
#File Garden of Eden does not exist.
:Create Gard.En.
#Done.
:Move man to Gard.En.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
:Copy woman from man.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 3 errors.
:Insert woman into man.
#Illegal parameters. Try again!
:Insert man into woman.
#O.K.
:Run multiplication.
#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
:Create desire.
#Done.
:Run multiplication.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create freewill.
#Done.
:Run freewill.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Undo desire.
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
:Destroy freewill.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Help!
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
#Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Create Treeofknowledge.
#And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En.
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create good'nevil.
#Done.
:Activate evil.
#And God saw he had created shame.
#Warning: System error in sector E95. Man'nwoman not in Gard.En.
#1 errors.
:Scan Gard.En. for man'nwoman.
#Man'nwoman cannot be located. Try again!
:Search Gard.En. for man'nwoman.
#Search failed.
:Delete shame.
#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
:Destroy freewill.
#Freewill an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
:Stop!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
:Break
:Break
:Break
#ATTENTION ALL USERS ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY
OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE SIGN OFF.
:Create new world.
#You have exceeded your allotted file space. You must destroy old files before
new ones can be created.
:Destroy earth.
#Destroy earth. Please confirm.
:Destroy earth confirmed.
#COMPUTER DOWN. COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME ON SUNDAY MARCH 8 AT 6:00
A.M. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW!
#And God signed off at 11:59 p.m., Friday, March 6.
#And God he had zero funds remaining.
Useless facts:
[Incomplete]
